The Leisure Cruise: this is the second cruise that I've been on. Co-incidentally, it's the same ship, too. But why write about it this time? Well, mainly because (I had nothing to do for several afternoons and) I thought I'd make a few observations this time round, now being an "seasoned" cruise passenger.

The cruise was "Escape to the East" and is run by Thomson. The cruise ship was The MV Thomson Celebration. I'll tell you about Jeno and Zoltan (the Hungarian maestros), The Bride of Frankenstein, Egyptian fighting and social classes. All in one blog!

It goes like this. You fly (I flew from Gatwick) on a Thomson charter flight (which means that all of the passengers are destined for a Thomson holiday) and when you get to your destination (Paphos airport, Cyprus), you are herded.... er.... directed to a coach which will take you to your Thomson holiday destination - in my case, the Thomson Celebration Cruise ship, moored at Limassol (Cyprus). It's a one week cruise, starting from Limassol (Cyprus) stopping at Alanya (Turkey), Alexandria (Egypt), Port Said (Egypt), Ashdod (Israel) before finally cruising back to Limassol (Cyprus) for the flight back to good old Blighty. Excursions are run along the way at each port, should you choose to participate.

So.. As I mentioned, this is my second time on a cruise ship, which co-incidentally, as I mentioned, is the same ship as my first ever cruise. For my first time, I had a smaller cabin, which was comfortable, however was a bit noisy due to some ignorant neighbours! Very, very different this time around though, as although I was on the same deck, I had the biggest cabin at the front of the ship, with the world's quietest neighbours! (This probably makes up a great deal for the rest of the passengers.) Read on....

The last time we cruised, the passengers ranged from all ends of the social scale, however did balance out at mainly middle class(ish). Everyone - almost without exception - was very nice, very sociable and very polite. However, things have changed more than slightly on this cruise, with the emphasis firmly on the majority of passengers veering towards the lower end of middle class, shall we say.

The catering arrangements had changed quite a lot, too. Among the many onboard restaurants, I find that the buffet-style restaurant suits me the best. It's a "help yourself" affair, with plenty of choice - and of course - you can put as much (or as little) on your plate as you want. And it was ever thus for the first cruise. For this second cruise, however, you still had to queue at the buffet, but you were not allowed to help yourself. This was (allegedly) due to an outbreak of norovirus the week previously and so waiters (wearing clear plastic gloves) were to serve you your food. I didn't find this a problem, as you could always go up and get another lot if you wanted to, but if the amount on your plate wasn't enough for you, you could always ask for more and the serving people would gladly comply.

This, unfortunately, wasn't good enough for some people. I overheard several complaints about the lack of self service. Some, very loudly indeed. I was beginning to realise that the the biggest difference between this and the last cruise, is that the last time, I didn't hear one complaint. About anything. This time around, all I seem to hear is complaints when, in reality, there really is nothing to complain about!

The entertainment on a cruise ship is wide and varied. Ranging from quizzes (such as Mr & Mrs) and Broadways shows, to cinema and classical music performances given by the resident violinist and pianist (the very excellent and exceptional Jeno (violin) and Zoltan (piano) of the intro paragraph).

On my first cruise, the quizzes and the "reality show" material wasn't so densely populated, however the classical nights (and the Broadway shows) were. Guess which way round the ratio was on this cruise? Yep. The "reality" and quizzes were packed solid, the Broadways shows were reasonably full (however most of the audience took it as an extension to a previous conversation and just carried on talking through it, as if those poor entertainers weren't there) and I often found myself sitting alone at the classical shows. They'd even introduced new "reality" style shows, based on popular TV shows such as "I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here" *rolls eyes*.

Back to the classical shows. More often than not, I'd find myself listening alone at such shows. Sometimes, however, not quite alone. There was The Bride of Frankenstein and her husband. More about that later....

In the meantime, I just wanted to state how sorry I sometimes felt for those Broadway show entertainers (the Thomson Celebration Showteam). It must be utterly soul destroying to see people get up and wonder around, or talk all they way through your performance. I know I would look upon that very dimly. Very dimly indeed. As a sidenote, the performers were excellent.

What seems to me to be a big indicator of the swing in passenger taste was the Captain's Ball. On almost every cruise ship, there is one night of the cruise where everyone (that wishes to participate) dresses in their finery to attend a formal dinner and ball in the company of the ships Captain. On my first cruise, the formal dinner was substantially attended, with most - if not all - of the men in their white or black tuxedos and the women with their long dresses, sequins and pearls. I'll give you a guess what happened this time! It wasn't very well attended, but still enough for two sittings (pity the Captain, who has to eat two full three course meals!).

Which brings me to the "Character Section", starting with The Bride of Frankenstein. On the Captain's ball night (which, incidentally, I don't attend!) most other entertainment is suspended for the period of the ball (much to some passenger's chagrin on this cruise - about which they complained vociferously!) with the exception of the classic duo - Jeno and Zoltan. I went to see them as often as I could (they really are exceptional) and the night of the Captain's ball was one of those night's where I could afford a few hours in their classical company.

This was the night that The Bride of Frankenstein (from now on - TBoF) got her name.

I was sat almost in the middle of the Explorer's Lounge (where the classical duo played) when TBoF and her husband entered. They were dressed up for the Captain's Ball - him in his smart white tuxedo and she in her flowing black dress, very expensive jewellery and her hair in the biggest Bride of Frankenstein do I've ever seen! Completely white hair, stuck up in a very good rendition of Elsa Lanchester hair in the Bride of Frankenstein (1935) to a tee. That's mostly why she got the nickname that I assigned, however there was one other outstanding feature. They were both clearly eccentric! The Bride's husband was videotaping the classical duo's performance that night - much to their amusement. Speaking in loud posh voices in between pieces, they were extolling the virtues and talents of the duo, however (amusingly) did not know the name of one single piece of music that they played!! This amused Jeno, (the violinist), who started to tell them the name of each piece from then on, with a wry smile and a nod to me - quietly chuckling in the background. Upon the revelation of the title, TBoF and her husband would clap loudly - mostly in appreciation of themselves and the fact that they now knew what the music was called. And so this continued until I left an hour later, highly amused and (by that time) laughing loudly.

The next night (not The Captain's Ball!) the two returned to The Explorer's Lounge whilst Jeno and Zoltan were sat waiting to start their classical set. This time dressed in casual (but still eccentric - probably more bohemian) clothing, TBoF and her husband sat next to each of the performers and began to speak to them. Actually more like at them!

Jeno and Zoltan are Hungarian. Jeno (violin) speaks slightly better English than Zoltan, however both really only understand most major English words and phrases (bless 'em). And so there commenced a lot of smiling, nodding and saying yes (on the classical duo's part) whilst both TBoF and her husband rattled away in very fast (and posh) English about their day! Clearly not understanding, the duo did their best to try and converse back (when they could get a word in!) and did remarkably well!

The subject was raised (by TBoF) of her previous husband (she had been married twice). A polite enquiry by Zoltan (in his broken English) enquired of his whereabouts now, whereupon it was revealed that TBoF's previous husband has passed away some years previously. Apologising for his enquiry, Zoltan looked suitably mollified. TBoF assured him that this was a long time ago - slightly more than 34 years ago! They had been married for just over 20 years and he had been a Surgeon Commander in The Royal Navy (very striking face, apparently) serving until his early retirement (he could afford to retire early) and then consulting for the Navy. He died when he was 84!

Given that TBoF must be approximately mid 70's on this cruise (say, 74), then she would have been 40 when her first husband passed away! Not only that, if they had been married for 20 years, then he would have been 64 when they married and she 20. (Erk!!) Just goes to show that you never know.

The Rest of the Characters..

Anywhere you go, whether it's at work, or on holiday - anywhere where you're stuck with a lot of people at any one time - there are bound to be "characters". These are individuals, or groups of individuals that stand out from the general melee of people that surround you. Some are amusing, some are annoying, but in the true tradition of one Douglas Adams, they are Mostly Harmless. I've already mentioned The Bride of Frankenstein, here are a few more that I observed along the way...

The Horizontals...

These were a couple of lads, one slightly balding and approx mid 20's, the other (possibly) late teens and slightly on the "chubby side". I only ever came across them at mealtimes - although they were spotted out and about on ship infrequently and never on any of the excursions.

They would visit the buffet restaurant (frequently) for their meals and have a good deal of food piled onto their plates. They would then sit opposite one another on a table, heads and back bent low over their food and proceed to continuously (and I mean this quite literally) shovel food into their mouths (without stopping) until the food was gone. All this in a matter of few minutes. Sometimes they would go back for more, sometimes not. The position in which they consumed their food, led me to dub them "The Horizontals" as it looked like they were both horizontal over their table.

The Battle Cry...

(Probably derived from the abundance of Northern folk on the ship) At each of the "reality" shows, or the quizzes, the crew presenter of the aforementioned quiz or show would precede their entrance to the stage with the (loud) cry "y'all raaaaaight" - mostly shouted in a Northern accent and sometimes dragged out ad infinitum. The very same cry could be heard all over the ship at most times when people met, or got onto coaches. Even the foreign Tour Guides picked up on it. Irritating.

The Old Scottish Lady...

There was one particular old Scottish lady that stood out. Obviously here with her daughter and daughter's family, the poor old biddy was a bit needy and somewhat lost when left on her own. She would shout (very loudly) if she couldn't find her daughter and would panic at the drop of a hat, to the point where she would go into the ladies (public) toilet (still shouting) to find her daughter who had only just gone in there to answer the call of nature not a few seconds earlier. Clearly the old girl was either suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's - possibly a bit of deafness thrown in for good measure - and was very loud. Although she could sometimes be amusing, I did feel somewhat sad for her.

The Third Officer...

On one of the days I spent on the ship (mostly in Israel) I had the opportunity to do a tour of the Celebration bridge. This consists of an hour or so wondering around the bridge of the ship with an off-duty Third Officer to accompany you, to explain and answer any questions that may arise.

The Third Officer in question was Luke, who had joined the Celebration a week earlier at Limassol (incidentally, his luggage hadn't!). Luke is 21 and had left school at 18 to join the Merchant Navy. Funded (and apprenticed) by Thomson, Luke had joined the ship as part of his training and had captained the ship for some of our jaunts in between ports. Asked if he had a sense of the responsibility that he carried by being in total charge of a huge passenger ship like Celebration, [length: 214.66m, 10 decks, 1254 passengers, 520 crew and a gross weight of 33,930 tonnes] he (fortunately) said that he did and put some minds at rest by saying that if he was unsure of any situation, then the Captain could be on the bridge in less than 20 seconds if called! He then went on to show us (and demonstrate on the electronically recorded chart of our voyage) the near-miss that we undertook on the journey out of Port Said!! It was a collision that was avoided, between the Celebration and a fishing vessel that clearly didn't see the ship! He then went on (under severe questioning!) to say that this was quite a common occurrence in Middle Eastern waters and would definitely not be the last time!

Luke did a fantastic job of explaining the operations and equipment on the bridge and went into detail on how the bow thrusters work, how the ship combats heavy seas illustrating his answers with photos and charts when he could.

A thoroughly enjoyable hour on the bridge!

Finally: The Crew...

What could one possibly say about the Crew? Well, nothing bad, for starters. The Thomson Crew, from the cleaners to the Captain all do an exemplary job on board ship - always happy and every single one of them are very happy to help, or point you in the right direction. This much, at least, hasn't changed between cruises!

The entertainment staff - changed in between the first cruise and the last cruise are all exceptional performers, giving note and step perfection every single night. The same can be said about the rest of the crew, although the cleaning girl did keep coming into my cabin - and almost every time without exception, I would be in my pants, having just exited the shower, or just getting in. I really would like to think that it was on purpose!! ;)