How To Kill: Written From A Villain's Point Of View..and Valerie Leon is the full title of this blog post, however doesn't fit into the title line very well!

Just a bit of nonsense as I've not written for a while..

I've just watched the opening 20 mins of "The Spy Who Loved Me" - the (Sir) Roger Moore James Bond film from 1977.

I recall that I watched this at my local cinema at the time it was released - I would have been about 16 at the time - well into puberty. [Sadly the cinema I watched it at is now a bingo hall, but enough about that before I go off on a rant!]

16 years old and a Bond film was the film that we were allowed to watch - and watch we did! Paying particular attention to Maurice Binder's title sequence, of course as back then there were very few ways to get a glimpse of the female flesh, so to speak. No.

Anyhoo. This Bond film has got to be one of, if not the most favourite of mine. Apart from the absolutely gorgeous Valerie Leon (whom I had a crush on at the time - and still do 33 years later!) it had the best pre-titles opening sequence ever!

I absolutely loved that ski sequence where he defeats the baddies (as we would expect) skis off a sheer cliff (to silence) the the Union Jack parachute opens as the Bond theme crashes in. Brilliant!! Still love that.

Then, of course, there's the baddie - played absolutely brilliantly by Curt Jurgens, who at the time was the actor to play your baddie if you wanted credibility. However. The scene that prompted the title of this blog is thus: Stromberg discovers that plans for his secret whatsimidilly have been sold on the black market, discovers that it's his floosy that's done the selling and decides to kill her.

How does he do it? He dumps her into a tank full of sharks by installing a lift (elevator) that has a trap door at the bottom, opening into a clear plastic chute that neatly deposits the girl into the tank.

Naturally, while you are executing this action, you must lift the shutters on the tank windows and watch her get attacked and eaten by the sharks, whilst Bach's Air on a G String is playing in the background. It's an absolute must. When you've had enough, close the shutters - the music fades to nothing - then carry on.

That's how to do a proper execution. Writers please note.

[Footnote: this method was reproduced to great hilarity in the first Austin Powers film.]